Writings

Poems, fragments, and short pieces from the same place my photos and stories come from. Some of these made it into bigger works. Some live here on purpose.

Maybe IDK Maybe

Lost Self • Mid 2010s. Written @ Dana Point Harbor
Maybe It’s something I don’t know how to speak Because I’m not sure what it is that I seek As of right now, my impending future Is feeling just a little bit bleak Is self-infliction the solution? A suicidal delusion Or is this pain situational Am I just overly emotional? I don’t know where to go, I’m not sure Cause over a decade ago I’m still here Replaying the same old episode I’m placing the things I care Right out the window What’s holding me back? Is it bravery I lack? I’m drowning in obscurity Maybe it’s all insecurity So where do I go from here? That’s better than yesteryear Somewhere else, I want to be somewhere I think to myself that maybe I won’t be erased Or am I too lazy? Over a decade ago I sat at a white screen A flashing cursor waiting on me Gathering the words That’ll help me be seen Fast forward, future I’m still that same old creature Facing an empty screen My reflection is relieving the memories What’s holding me back?

Lost Meadows

Youth • 2010s, written in a warehouse during break, Lake Forest CA
Do you remember? The clouds at night With the glimpse of space All the stars above the woods Do you remember? The times that you could Look out upon nature With your arms stretched out And your hands in a grip To climb upon a majestic tree Reaching up with every grasp Holding onto every branch So you can touch the stars Do you remember? The noises and voices That we made when we gathered Our laughter our joy Spreading through the forest Like leaves on a harsh wind Out from our quiet town Listen to that echo from autumn That sound, the noise, a rhythm From the whispering woods Where we met at campfires In the midst of the autumn night That had flames dancing in a daze Wind spinning and twirls Leaves floating on its swirls Our dreams, our phantasms Flowing out from our windows Where we once slept and slumbered And on the rooftops of our homes We threw out our nets Just to catch every fallen star In between those moments After the last comet vanished Fading back into space We try to reach out and touch The fragile eggshell of a sky I remember these echoes of autumn The symphony of innocence The reflection of youth And within these quiet streets The pathways and roads we roamed These memories are written On the pages of our consciences Each letter magical Each memory valuable Like words written in fairy tales And the songs we sang in the past Are stitched into our hearts All the echoes ring within Every hum, whistle, verse and chord Can still be heard When we close our eyes In these times When the night returns And the silence begins to speak It comes to show us To give us meaning To give us imagination That grant us remembrance And within its whisper it asks us Do you remember dreaming Of the nothing and nowhere? Do you remember creating Your emporium of imagination? And do you remember living Out here in the echoes of autumn?

Eternal Birds

Past Love • 2010's, written in makeshift bedroom, Tustin CA
To the stars and the moon We danced away like fireflys Caught up in the winds And like such with our light We gave away to the dark But was once my truth Became revealed a lie and for all that I did I can say at least I tried But in the end of the fire We turned to our ashes Like rebirth from the old It was all apart of our faith We claim to be ravens And our lives where merely immortal Our paths held strong in stones We knew what our desires where Our oath written in our bones Every lyrics we sang How we screamed and crow Dance and swoon the night away And within our shadow We held a deepest light Belief of new elder Gods And our auras where bright Every midnight battle We scream we will fight And within this alone We would write our songs A belief that the Raven Was purely immortal So now the days have gone along ago And here I am at the edge of the world And you shine like a light house Your edge of the world Has the brightest stars My feet hang off the edge Abyss below me awaits my fall And I wonder as I look to the elder faith Will you hear my call And come face your darkest beauty

London Fog With Lavender

Faith • Written @ The Night Owl Cafe, Fullerton CA 2026
I cast shadows to soothe the soul Raised up on a pedestal Situations unfold, truth be told Echoing a last dance Giving crimson its final chance Give, take, give, and leave Seasons change to autumn leaves For what it was is what I need Plant the seed — maybe I’ll believe Loss of faith Loss of fruit Tasting the apple’s bitter truth Is this even worth a scream or a shout Here is what I know: If all I know is what I once knew, I thought this was true Unanswered voice, echoes of bad choice Distortion in milkweed proportions Alone, like I once wished I was the abortion So here’s another notion of devotion Answer me here. Answer me now. Do you care, or am I the soiled calf I was told of the lamb I was told of sacrifice Yet for over thirty years I’ve been stuck in the dirt Alone, lost, and regal Blood-sniff hound like a beagle Creation’s finest worm for pecking I’m done playing pretend But I can’t understand If this is something I still believe in

Crescent Flower

Song • Romance
Something different strikes the mood Like feeling the cold shoulder Of the blue moon I hope the time comes soon Tonight’s different As it could be Maybe I’ll carry a bouquet Of eloquence and things of beauty And as different as I may seem I’ll at least try To be dear to you Cause I too, Dream Of shades of violet and blue Please understand what I say That by the rise of the midnight moon We’ll dance till dawn breaks to the day Dance underneath the petals Falling off the crescent flower Shine on with your strength In your eyes I see the stars And the beauty of your power I don’t care for the sands of time Nor the long walks to the moon As long as under this stary sky I’ll meet you soon Now all will be said and told Even though I should hush Yet I’ll remain bold This boy shouldn’t speak Gossip and secrets that I should keep But oh well, live with no regrets The gates that protect my heart Unlock with your words as a key I’m vulnerable, I’m the window And you’re the rock Go right through me Feed my head with your words To clear out the haze I’ll live for the coming days This world no longer colored in gray You first colored in the violet Like a new moon rising How my heart falls Shouldn’t be so surprising Dance underneath the petals Falling off the crescent flower Shine on with your strength In your eyes I see the stars And the beauty of your power I don’t care for the sands of time Nor the long walks to the moon As long as under this stary sky I’ll meet you soon We Are Hinting that this is our last imagination Yet we’re more than just creation Not so far From the truth we seek Our future doesn’t seem so bleak So Bizzare How long will this go on for? We’re stepping through that door Blue star First sight on the horizon There’s no comparison Dance with me Dance underneath the petals Falling off the crescent flower Shine on with your strength In your eyes I see the stars And the beauty of your power I don’t care for the sands of time Nor the long walks to the moon As long as under this stary sky I’ll meet you soon

Are U There?

Song • Heartbreak and God
I created something beautiful It was deformed in its distortion Yet remained perfection Scratches of a shattered mirror Scarecrows placed in honors of horror The river of tears on your face Tells me a story of your falling in disgrace Yet your drowning sorrow Your beauty shows That with you I can only follow Hello, God? Are you there? For within this past year I’ve been lost in fear Hello, Messiah? Are you there? These people need a savor Yet the pastor is playing favors Hello? Are you there? Or am I just standing here Alone in the darkness Elope with my fear I tried moving the hands of the clock Hoping to slow down time Im stuck in shock I just want to feel that kiss once more Yet under these skies I gave you nothing And yet in the middle of the night You saw me You gave me everything You gave me you Was your heart breaking all along So silently? Until it fell out onto the floor Bleeding violently Yet you stayed Always looking beautifully Hello, God? Are you there? For within this past year I’ve been lost in fear Hello, Messiah? Are you there? These people need a savor Yet the pastor is playing favors Hello? Are you there? Or am I just standing here Alone in the darkness Elope with my fear

No Worries (You should probably worry)

Two brothers. One wrecked car. No context.
“WHAT THE FUCK.” “I’m sorry.” “No. What in the actual fuck.” “I said I’m sorry.” “Great job. You got Big Bertha on her back.” “I thought I could make it.” “What was it, man? What was the thought? ‘Damn, when was the last time I got a girl on her back?’ You just had to do it to Bertha.” “Look, I’m really upset about my soda. Please be nice to me.” “Your soda? That’s all over the roof!” “I paid a lot for that soda.” “Paid? Motherfucker, I let you get a five-finger discount on that soda.” “I paid for it by risking my future.” “Yeah, I’m sure some cop in Orange County is dying to book a kid for stealing a soda.” “They would in Irvine!” “We’re not in Irvine, are we?” “…no.” “Where are we, Lew?” “We’re upside down?” “We’re upside down. And where are we upside down at?” “Somewhere off the 101?” “Somewhere off the 101. Yeah, Lew.” The brothers climb out the side of the car, standing beside the wreckage of a 1983 Buick. “Call Pops. Let him know what happened.” “Ah, Justin, I really don’t want to. Last time he showed up he—forgot to zip up his trousers.” “Ugh.” Justin sighs. “I’ll call him. Sam said he saw strange lights out here. Instead I get a half-stunt from my little brother and a wrecked car.” Lew rummages through the car, scraping something off the hood. “The fuck are you doing?” “I’m starving.” “Oh my God.” “Oh, no worries. I found a Twinkie.” “When—when did I last have a Twinkie? Lew, don’t eat tha—Oh my God.” Lew’s face is smeared with cream, a folded wrapper in his hand. “I’m calling an ambulance.” “It’s no worries. I’ll be fine.” “You never are.”

Coffee

Somtime in 2004, Ameliah and Danielle sit down to talk.
“I don’t even recognize myself anymore,” Ameliah said, staring into her iced coffee, swirling the cubes around. She sat across from Danielle in two faux-leather chairs in a café somewhere in downtown Los Angeles. “I used to be picky. I’d only ever been with two guys… two guys I dated.” Danielle laughed. “Now what? C’mon, you’re free. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Ameliah took a long sip. “The other night…” She leaned back in her chair. “I went with my friend to pick up her friend from the airport. I’d met him before. Real hunk and all that. We get back, start drinking… all three of us…” Danielle stopped mid-sip of her chai. “No…” “Yeah.” Ameliah didn’t look at her. “That must be awkward now,” Danielle joked. Ameliah swirled her cup while staring at the street. “Yeah. But not for that reason.” “Why’s that?” “Because we’re sleeping together behind her back.” Danielle shrugged and leaned back. “What’s wrong with that?” Ameliah shook her head. “After my ex… three years of lies, cheating, the neglect… I don’t even care who it is anymore.” “It’s the validation,” Danielle cut in. Ameliah gave a small nod. “I keep meeting someone new before the last one even matters. Hell, I’d probably even sleep with you at this point.” Danielle laughed. “They’ve got a name for girls like you.” Ameliah smirked without humor. “Whore?” “Free,” Danielle said, almost serious. “Besides, you’re barking up the wrong tree with me.” Ameliah stared out the window. “I used to miss when it felt special. But all this attention… I left that small town for the city and there’s just so much to take in.” “Sounds like everyone’s trying to take you,” Danielle cut in. Ameliah glanced over sharply. “Relax, I’m kidding,” Danielle rolled her eyes. “How’s the modeling going?” “The site has weird rules. They want us to talk more about our sex lives. Really sell ourselves. First set went live last night. Got a lot of love.” “Has your ex said anything?” “Haven’t heard from him in a while. Don’t really talk to anyone back home. Doesn’t matter.” “Did you at least get paid?” “Seventy-five bucks,” Ameliah said with a small shrug. “But hey… good exposure, right?”

Airships

Somewhere between existence and nothing, roams a deadly mercanary
Evalyn Stockdale overlooked her command post from her position on the bridge. One side of her hair was buzzed; the other flowed elegantly in white curls. It almost glowed beneath the bridge lights. The airship drifted over strange new lands. She looked out at the men below—piloting, navigating, chatting over comms. The bridge windows arched down into the floor, curved glass stretching beneath their boots. “Anything yet?” she barked, gripping the steel railing. “No, ma’am. Nothing. Seems pretty dead out here,” a soldier responded. “There has to be something. Look at this land.” Evalyn gestured toward the window. “Lush green forest. Open prairies. You can’t sit there and tell me there’s nothing here!” A soldier at her side spoke carefully. “Ma’am… what exactly are we looking for?” Evalyn placed her hands behind her back and walked toward him. “With me for a second,” she said calmly. They descended a short set of steps to a side section where the glass curved into the floor. Evalyn placed her hand on his back— —and shoved him. The soldier crashed through the glass. He fell screaming. “I THINK YOU’LL KNOW WHEN YOU SEE IT!” she shouted after him. She turned to the remaining soldiers, who stared in horror. “I don’t like being asked questions. Understood?” The crew nodded silently. Evalyn glanced at the shattered glass. “Great. Going to need to get that fixed.” “Ma’am. There’s something on the radar!” a soldier called from a console. “Probably that guy’s dead body,” Evalyn muttered. “Uh… no, ma’am. It’s moving.” Evalyn stomped to the control panel. A single dot blinked on the screen. As she stared, the display flickered. The dot bounced slightly in place—as if dancing. “Hm. We’ll need a technician to look at the wiring again,” she murmured. “I’ll put the order in right away,” the soldier replied. “No.” Evalyn straightened. “Let’s go pay this person a visit. FULL POWER FORWARD.” She stepped toward the glass as the engines roared. “Something about this doesn’t feel… right.” The trees rushed past below. Evalyn planted her heels firmly against the cold steel floor. Rotors screamed. Wind tore along the hull overhead. “There.” She pointed toward an opening in the field. A young man wandered below, almost skipping—dancing in place. A worn top hat sat on his head. Black slacks. Dirty boots. A suit jacket. “Something doesn’t seem right. He might have something for us.” “I’m not against robbery, ma’am, but there can’t be anything he has to offer, don’t you think?” Evalyn turned slowly on her heel. “Did you question me?” “NO, MA’AM.” “Sewage duty. The rest of the week,” Evalyn said calmly. “I want every pipe inside the latrine wiped clean.” The soldier swallowed back tears. “Yes, ma’am.” The ship swooped over the strange man, then pivoted sharply to face him. Evalyn grabbed a microphone from the console. “YOU THERE. HOLD STILL!” The man looked up. Emerald eyes pierced through her. She inhaled sharply, then adjusted her expression. “Two guards with me. We’re going to greet this man.” Ropes dropped from the airship. Evalyn slid down with her guards. She landed before the stranger. His hair barely brushed past his ears. His smile was wide. The shadow from the brim of his hat only made the emerald green of his eyes glow brighter. “You. Name. Now,” Evalyn demanded. The man kept smiling. “Kind of a bitch, aren’t ya?” he said lightly. Evalyn raised a brow. “Show some respect. I’m Evalyn Stockdale. Best mercenary in these parts.” “Never heard of ya,” the man replied with a faint laugh. “That’s okay. I like the confidence.” He extended his hand. The fingertips of his gloves were cut off. “Who exactly are you?” Evalyn asked, studying him. “There’s something very… different about you.” She took his hand. “I’ve been told,” he said softly, “I can be a bit… Spooky.”